His Love

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This weekend I attended a conference that forever changed my view of the gospel- my southern baptist be a good girl gospel.  Elyse Fitzpatrick spoke at the women's conference at my church. And for some reason this time it clicked...this time the message of the gospel was different to me. It was freeing to me. And oh what a feeling that is!

Often my view of the gospel is based on what I've done, whether or not God is happy with me or disappointed in me. I seek His approval because that is was I think I need to be saved- to be right with Him. I grew up heavily believing that if I am "good", I will be rewarded, if I am "good" things will work out the way my selfish heart thinks they should, if I am "good" God will be good to me. Oh how I believed this, at times continue to believe this, and I am confident that many others believe this too.

Dear friends- let me tell you- me who struggles to grasp this idea- IT DOES NOT DEPEND ON ME! I know I know- you've heard this before and so had I. But the one thing that I believe will stick in my mind forever is this set of questions: Where is Jesus now? Seated at the right hand of the Father. Is the Father mad at him right now? No. Is the Father disappointed in Him right now? No- He is pleased.
We are IN Christ. He is IN us. We are with Him. When the Lord looks at us, He sees Him. He can see nothing else. And I am loved IN Jesus.

Yes- I fail Him. I will fail, I have failed, I will continue to fail until heaven is my home. But I am loved by the ONLY one who can continue to love and forgive me when I fail. This idea is still new and fresh to me, and I long for it to soak in, to stain me, to last like nothing before.

If I accept and trust that I am LOVED in Him, then my faith can begin to grow. My obedience to Him and His Word must be fueled by THIS LOVE- not the love of the works I've done to please him or to look good. This LOVE- that took the wrath of ALL sin must fuel me. Elyse stated that obedience that is NOT motivated by love is worthless. Most of my obedience or wanting to be better is fueled by my desire to look better- not out love for my redeemer. This thought makes me wince- to think about the many times I want ME to look better- how often I seek my own praise- how pitiful I am. As my mind swiftly runs down this defeating path, I am reminded once again- IT DOES NOT DEPEND ON ME!

I have been redeemed from the pit of hell. The ONE who redeemed me continues to love me every time I fail him. I cannot escape Him. He took my wrath ONCE and FOR ALL! I am loved. And I love BECAUSE HE FIRST LOVED ME.